Acceptance

One of the most heartbreaking things for me as a mother is dealing with the judgements and attitudes society places on my autistic son. I know this is something bred out of ignorance and fear, but that doesn't mean it hurts any less.

If Jacob is "acting out" in public, being loud, or throwing himself on the ground to "stim" off of the wheels on the shopping cart; inevitably there are scornful eyes nearby judging me, and wondering why I can't "control" my son.

The most hurtful instance was several years ago, but it will be forever engrained in my memory. Our then18 month old son, Noah was ready to transition into a "big boy bed" and we were wanting to see if the local Once Upon A Child consignment shop would give us any money for his crib. We had to assemble the crib for inspection at the store, and upon doing so it was found that part of the guide rail wasn't functioning properly, and therefor they weren't able to accept it. So I began disassembling the crib and taking it back to the van. Meanwhile, my husband had been supervising Jacob and Noah at the train table/play area.

There was a young girl, I'm guessing about 5 years old, playing along side of them. Jacob was very excited as he loves trains, and was making his usual loud/excited vocalizations. The little girl was obviously curious about why Jacob was acting the way he was and began asking questions. I appreciated her innocence and curiousity and took the opportunity to explain simply to her that Jacob has what is called autism, and that because of that, he is unable to express himself the way she does with words. I explained that his squeals were his way of letting people know he was happy about playing with the trains. Understandably, because of her young age, she didn't quite understand. She kept asking, "So he doesn't know anything?" I let her know that he does know some things, and gave her some simple examples like: he knows his name, he knows the letters of the alphabet, he can count to 10, he knows his colors. I gently let her know that autism didn't mean that he didn't know anything, but that it was more difficult for him to learn things or know how to express himself the same way she does. It really was a nice moment, and I appreciated her curiousity.

Jacob continued squealing. I walked back in the store after taking the final crib piece to the van and saw Joel's face turning red. The mother of this young girl was nearby, and clearly growing irritated by Jacob. She, in fact, became quite nasty and began yelling at him. "YOU'RE TOO LOUD! YOU NEED TO BE QUIET! YOU'RE HURTING MY EARS!!" Keep in mind that Jacob was NOT throwing a tantrum, he was expressing happiness. A happy, albeit loud, child incited her anger! It should have been obvious to any adult that there was something "different" about Jacob that maybe she should take into consideration. But no, she continued to yell and snarl at Jacob, and flash Joel and I dirty looks.

My protective "mother bear" instincts kicked in at this point. I let her know that he is autistic and that is why he was squealing. You'd have thought that would have quieted her; embarrassed her even that she had acted so mean to a little boy, then only 4 1/2 years old. But no, she continued her tirade. Then I got a little mad. I let her know that her intolerance of someone with a disability was hurtful and ignorant. I asked her, "Is this what you are going to teach your child about accepting others that are different from her? Who aren't "perfect"?? I hope you go home and remember today, and thank God that you don't have to deal with the realities of autism!" And then we left.

It was long after this incidence that I happend to recall this episode to my pastor. "You know, you gave that woman a gift that day. I hope someday she is able to realize it." I never thought of it that way before, but have since been able to find comfort in his words of wisdom. Any parent of a child with a disability must take on this mission to educate people. To stick up for their child. To try to break down these walls of judgement, ignorance, and fear that prevent us all from loving one another. Preventing us from accepting and finding value in our differences. Realizing we all have weaknesses. We all have strengths. And we all have gifts to give the world.